Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Amazing New Products

Coming soon to a vendor near you! Announcing the greatest new products for your aging British car since Waxol!

British Rust Seeds

Tired of always having the cleanest car at the show? Never get enough time in with your car? Running out of projects to work on? Well worry no more! Now available Premium British Rust Seeds!

Simply spread some of the rust seeds in the usual areas of your car and see the appreciation begin. No longer will your ride look like a pampered trailer queen, but a hard and fast driven piece of fun! Surely there are judges out there sympathetic to some rust.

Need more time with your car? Spreading liberal bits of rust seeds in you car and a well placed story of "If I don't remove the rust" will bring your significant other to let you have your quality time. It cleans up quickly, leaving more time for bonding with your special something.

With the rust seeds in place long enough and the rust will begin to grow, bring more excuses to buy more parts and rebuild time! I always wanted to drop a larger engine in it, but I need to remove that body rust, and I need to remove the engine to get to it anyway!

Rust Seeds are the way to go!

Testimonials abound.

Ms. Peal "I've used rust seeds to simulate damage and I was able to convince my husband I needed more parts"

Paul "Rust seeds, I got several rust farms in the back known as project cars"

Premium, all the way! Only the best

Guaranteed to be 100% British Rust, no domestic rust is allowed in our product. Naturally produced and, on request, we can provide guaranteed antique rust!

Contents may include, dirt, paint flakes, bugs, spiders, nuts, bolts and pretty much anything else up to 99.9% of the product. It adds to the abidance and believability.

Available in Starter size or for those who can't wait for the rust to grow...

Instant Gas
Back in supply for a limited time only, Instant Gas! Simply add some instant gas in your tank and filler-up. A word of warning though, Instant Gas is not nearly as good as real gas. Please use sparingly. Also useful in accurately simulating fuel system problems.

Coming Soon!

Oil Leak Simulator - Engine not living up to the reputation of a British car and marking it's territory? Want to do engine work but can't convince the significant other to let you break the seal? Simply dribble the simulator around a seal and on the ground. We are in the process of sourcing actual used oil from British cars. Unfortunately sourcing this in used for is proving difficult as most oil has already leaked out.

Transmission Leak Simulator - In the same line of products as the Oil Leak Simulator, we present similar for the transmission. We seek out British cars corpses and crack open the transmission fluid. Available in two different varieties, Floor Fluid and Open transmission featuring authentic brass shavings.

The makers of these fine products is not responsible for any of the products shown. All content are approximate. These products are not warranted in any way to perform as advertised or even exist.

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